Even though it seems like the world around me is crumbling, we have decided to forge ahead and jump back into the IF journey. Our baby E isn't quite such a baby anymore~ talking, moving fast enough that I have to run to catch her... each day is so precious and her birthday creeps closer and closer...
As soon as AF decides to reappear, I will be back in stirrups. We're hoping since we know what to expect this time around that we can jump full force into treatments and although we know statistically we're crazy to believe that another IUI would work on the first shot, we have to be hopeful. A baby in 2011 is the goal. About 3 weeks until the reality of doctors, medicines, and tests are among our daily life again.

Fall

Wow, how quickly I gave up the blog this summer. Still not much new to report.
RE's office was very much the same, although the love wand was not used~ I had even shaved!!! The baby drama has settled, yet as my baby now turns 11 months old, we are very much back into the mindset of treatments. We're ready to do this crazy thing all over again.

I lost my job as a nanny, was hired full time at the nursing home. We lost my grandpa and a car, yet through the struggles, we have formed a more solid foundation of our life. Our E is getting so big and never ceases to amaze us. We gained some friends, and the world continues on, much as it ever has.

Fall has always been my favorite season~ the colors, the smells, and the preparation of better times coming.

Anniversary

Today was our 3 year anniversary. In the grand scheme of things, I hope it is one of many, many more. We started a tradition of watching our wedding video and tonight was no exception. Even in 3 years' time, it amazes me to see the growth of the kids, the people who are no longer here, and the best friend that ceased to be even a friend.

I love my husband. I may mock him at times and give him grief, but at the end of the day, I love to cuddle in bed beside him and KNOW~ beyond the shadow of any doubt~ that our vows were forever.

Tomorrow will be my aunt and uncle's 60th wedding anniversary. What an example of love to follow!!! I only hope that we are both happy and together for at least the next 57.

Pablo Jones~ I knew after our second date that you were going to be my husband. I love you until the end of time. As my second husband (Michael Buble) sings in our song~ You will be by my side, to see me through, until my life is through. We can conquer the world, in love, You and I.

Mine

I am a Nanny at this point in my life. It's arguably the best job situation I have ever had. The family I work for is pretty awesome and there's somewhat of a family history there (my boss used to babysit my hubby and bil). My days with a 20 month old and my 7 month old can prove to be either hilarious or make me wish I lived in a more grown up world, although most days are a mix of the extremes.

Take today for example. Mr. R (my lovely little charge) has discovered a fascinating new thing~ TALKING! He used to babble full force and then look at me as if I was crazy when I didn't comprehend anything... but lately? He speaks~ for real words~ in context, no less~ and he can carry on conversations with me! As limited as they may be, I still love it. I like to teach him new words, and the more useful or random, the better!!! Elbow and stinky send him into glorious laughing fits.

I also now work part time as a 3rd shift nurse aide taking care of retired Sisters of Notre Dame. For this new job, I had to get my fingerprints re-done... so our journey for the day. It rained, then naptime ensued, so we finally headed out around lunchtime. The hours had been changed from what I was told, so with 20 minutes to spare and children growing increasingly more cranky, we trudged back to the car and ended up at Chik-fil-A... I enjoyed a milkshake while passing back bits of nugget to appease R. Upon our return, we find a line (of course!). I set E's carseat into a chair and R is standing next to me in line when someone else walked in and then had the audacity! to talk and coo to E.

"MINE!"

Oooh, a new word! I probably should have corrected him, but how could I? He bravely marched up to the seat and stood at E's feet while giving this lady the evil eye and proclaiming, "Baby. Mine." How I love this little boy! The lady thought it was adorable~ how cute for him to be a protective older brother! I've stopped correcting strangers that I'm "just" the nanny in these situations...

As I reflect on R's possessiveness of MY baby E, I realize not only how much he loves her and I love them both, but neither are truly mine. To quote Robert Fulghum, "To love something and to possess it are not the same thing." For now, she is mine to hold, she will always and forever be mine, but at the same time, E can never be mine.

umm, Hi.

I feel a little self indulgent and kinda myopic in starting this blog. Really? Doubt many people want to read of my so-called adventures and ramblings... but here they are.

I suppose I should begin by explaining who I am, who I am in my core doesn't waiver, the fluff does, though. I am Molly. I'm happily married, a mom, a sister, a friend, a caregiver, and Catholic. I am fiercely loyal, strong, stubborn, sarcastic, and hilarious. My journey to who I am now has been shaped by many events, but I am better for it.

This week should be a good one~ my baby E turned 7 months old today, my wedding anniversary is Wednesday, and on Friday I have the joy of the love wand at my RE's office. AF is over a week late at this point, so today, I POAS but got a BFN. The quickest way to welcome good old AF is to test, right? Not quite sure how to feel about that~ I had started to hope that a miracle had happened, although it is not my intention to have babies quite so close in age. I thought I was over the months of hopeful testing followed by the crushing stab of a negative... how quickly I forgot what that feels like. My soul wishes for the miracle of an "accidental" baby while my head knows mine will come from science.